There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst. George Bernard Shaw You Can't Spoil a Child through Love
Though we all worry about spoiling our child, rest assured that you cannot spoil your child with love. Love doesn't spoil children. Love is imperative to a child's healthy development, and it's just not possible to love your child too much. They need caring adults to spend time with them, play with them, teach them, protect them, and enjoy life with them.
It's a parent's job to provide love, safety and encouragement. The process of growing up provides children with lots of challenges. Try to listen openly and understand their situation and communicate honestly with them when they have difficulties and letdowns in their life.
Set appropriate limits with your child and then adhere to them. Establishing limits with your child gives them a sense of safety and security. Sometimes parents do not set limits because they don't want to fight with their children. They don't want to cause bad feelings. They may beg a child to comply. Or they may make a rule and fail to enforce it. They may nag without ever enforcing the rules. None of these helps children. When your child fails to adhere or comply with the boundaries you've set for them, be firm yet kind in your response. This lets them know that you're serious about the rule but dedicated to helping and loving them. Bear in mind though that each child is different and what works for one child may not work for another. For example, one child may respond well to the direct approach of telling them a specific time to be home, where another child may need a gentle reminder that it's now time to come home.
Develop a firm but kind manner of making and enforcing your household's rules and expectations. There's no need to fear our children, and there should be no need to instill a sense of fear in our children in order to get them to comply.
Parenting Magazine
Again, here's where setting a good example is crucial.
A good rule of thumb is 50 cents per year of age. If you don't, they'll get the message early on that you're inconsistent and will be more likely to test your boundaries. Therefore it's important to take time out to reassure them that you're never too busy for them. Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon. Young children often make up stories and tell tall tales. When the whining begins, don't overreact. Your child will consistently test the boundaries and 'push the envelope' with you to see if there's any play in those consequences.
Children learn to relate to one another, negotiate roles, share, and obey rules through play.
In the process, you can provide your child with an opportunity to enhance their self-esteem and accept responsibility for the mistakes they make. Avoid using candy or other treats as reinforcement. Listen to them without judging or criticizing. There are rules that can be fairly and equitably negotiated with your children as well. You may really have to juggle things around to make this happen, but try to be flexible and creative when spending time with each of your kids.
